B'day gone, New year gone, Valentine's day gone, so what is it that is making me write on my blog after almost 8 months? The fact that I wanted to write on it for so long but somehow didn't get the motivation to do it. I have wasted a lot of time during the last year doing nothing and gaining up on my weight with astronomical broadening of my belly. I mean I have grown really fat really quickly. Gone are the days when i could call myself slim. But fat is not the only thing i have added to my name recently. The continuance of poor academic performance and even poorer network (even in a batch of 450) have only helped in making the matters more unpleasant. Sure, there are some people i have really enjoyed being with and would never want to part company with them but it hurts to lose some of the good friends i had developed over the years.
Life has been a roller coaster ever since i came here. With tussles for everything and me obviously too reluctant to do anything it took a lot to get what i wanted initially. Time has been a constraint to do a lot of things is what i tell others. But deep down i know that things could have been much different had i really decided on my priorities. Not a day passes when i don't dwell on how different i wanted things to be. People say that i complain a lot and that I'm never happy with anything but there must be some method to it is what i believe. For a person who doesn't like to point fingers and doesn't express his views too often, i still find the situations too damn sad to not comment and sit by the wayside.
I mean where do i begin. Not a week passes with me not wishing of having got into another b-school and ruing the missed opportunities. Its the system here that makes my cringe. People not fit to manage themselves, heading an institute that shapes the careers of the country's future managers. The most mis-managed management school is what I'll put the name down as. From stupid rules and regulations to gross misuse of power. Students are not the first priority here with the administration living in a dream world of 80's. There is just so much pent up frustration that i don't know what i would do with all of it. Guess only thing that keeps me going is the company. Could write a book on why i hate being here but there are probably only 2-3 reasons why I'm still here that outweigh everything else.
Now i don't mean that there is all sad and woeful moments in my life here. There have been really exciting times too when i have really let my hair down and enjoyed a lot and feel happy and thankful to god for allowing me to be a part of those activities. I have managed to do couple of things that i always dreamed about and it feels good knowing that. There are things to look forward to and the anticipation makes it worth the wait. But a question mark also hangs over my head as to if I'm like this right now, what will happen to me 6 months down the line when most of the people I'm close to will go on exchange leaving me feeling a bit lonely and sad. But sure that day will come too when we all will leave this campus and head towards our careers with new vigor and zeal.
Still, i feel like i am somehow not touching my full potential and as such there is a lot more than i can do with myself. There are goals i set for myself everyday but somehow fail to work towards even one single item. Have i just lost the plot and am just running for the sake of it to pass time? It's a costly way to pass time though i might add. but as i fail to achieve every target that i set, my resolve to meet my goals gets stronger and i know there will be a day when i will meet them and that day the shackles will break and i would probably be able to say that i have turned a new leaf. when that day will arrive is hard to say and will it be too late for me and what i have in mind is also not clear to me but all i really can do is try to work towards it and hope that i am able to achieve what i want.....
