Over the past few months i have seen a lot happen around me and there have been many instances when i have felt like doing something out of all the frustration that had been building up inside me.But the non-violent attitude doesn't allow me to take up cudgels and fight against the perpetrators of all this nonsense.I instead have taken all of it and more as a bitter pill and swallowed all the anger everytime that something has happened.But rest assured these instances do leave a mark on the mind.What happens certainly affects you in ways you would not know at the moment but maybe sometime later on.They tend to form your views and opinions on certain issues and regarding certain people-people you know and people you don't know.This may not look all that bad but the feelings that develop as a consequence of this may come out at the wrong time and in the wrong manner which can be harmful for a lot of people around you.
My mind has been through hell and back during this year with a wonderful beginning but a sad and depressing end that just doesn't seem to end.I have been on the high and elated and down and out within matter of weeks if not days.The upheavels i have gone through personally plus what i have seen happen across the country has send my mind for a toss.There are so many feelings that have developed inside me with a lot of ambiguity.Don't know how to react to all this as its all very confusing.I have not been able to make sense of a lot of things.Being a practical, non-violent and realist person i look for reason in everything around me.I somehow have not been able to find the reason behind terrorism.
There are so many thoughts flowing around inside my head.So much to say, so much to write about,so much to do yet whenever I try to sit down and write something meaningful and interesting i fail miserably.I was baffled initially when i was hit by this.I was not sure that when i have so much to write why i'm not able to do it.I tried and tried but couldn't write anything good. Then it dawned on me that its because i have so much to write that i fail to write coherently. What i'm trying to say is that because of the monumental block of feelings stored up inside me, i have not been able to channelise it all into one flowing paragraph.That is the reason why there is no fluency, no clear cut thought process.
I have taken out all the pent up frustration in my life on the poor and hapless readers of this blog via my sometimes sad and depressing but sometimes meaningful articles (pray that they forgive me).But this time i haven't got a clue what to do because i can't write anything substantial. Always resulting in a botched up attempt at writing an article.I don't know till when this phase of sadness and gloom will last in my life but i surely hope that it ends soon as it is getting really tiring to put up with it day in and day out.After all there is alimit to how much i can take.I know i'm strong enugh to avoid imploding but am i strong enough to prevent myself from exploding?That is the answer i'm looking for in my life.
I don't know if all the crap i have dished out here today makes any sense to anyone because i for one can't make out a thing.It can be that my mind is to restless to read through all this or it might even be the distraction of the music ringing out in my ears but whtever be it i am glad i wrote something.I was beginning to feel that i might be losing my interest in writing and music at the same time but since i'm doing both the things together right now (listening to music and writing) i guess i need not worry on that front for now. So to end this sordid saga of my unnfortunate mind and its incapabilities i would sign off for the time being with my eveready one-liner - HAVE A NICE DAY.........see ya...
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
I'm Asking Why...!!!!
Long time has passed and a lot has happened in the world since I last felt like writing something. The Americans have their first Black President,financial crisis have changed the world scenario,terrorism is continuously climbing that never ending ladder. Personally, there is nothing great to write home about too. All in all i would say that I am longing for even an iota of good news in and around my lfe. I don't say that I'm sad and depressed but i won't say I'm elated either. I'm held up in a situation where everywhere i look i see gloom yet people somehow taking all of it and more in their stride and moving on with their lives. They are hurt yet they can't do anything about it and hence moving on is their only option.
Fresh piece of bad news that has hit me hard although I'm miles away from the drama and the action is the recent Terror strike in Mumbai. A 60 hour long siege where the city of Mumbai was literally brought to a halt. Held at ransom by a group of 15-20 people with sophisticated weapons at their disposal. The attack left 183 dead - 22 foreigners,20 Policemen,2 NSG commandos rest innocent civilians,caught in the crossfire between the terrorists and the security personnel. So many lives lost. Some very important people died,some not so important and a lot of common people going about their daily lives.
I am proud of all the people who fought to save the city from these bastards,I pray for the people who died and left their loved ones in grief.I pray for the people who managed to come out of the ordeal alive but are still shell shocked and traumatised.But I do not pray for the decision makers of this country and instead wish for them to rot in hell for as long as the devil wants.Its their incompetence for which the people of the country have to pay with their lives while they waste public money on themselves and their so not very important lives.I didn't lose anyone in the attack.No one i knew was present yet i am so saddened like the billions around the world at witnessing such a ghastly act of cowardness.
Only few hours have passed since the chaos finally ended with a monumental loss of life and property but I'm pretty sure that those in power and those wanting to get in power won't stop from using it as their agenda in the coming polls.They will try and drive maximum mileage out of this to suit their personal agendas and fill their overspilling coffers a lot more. Having sucked out the spirit of democracy from the mind and heart of the people they have literally sold the country to the wolves. The whole political class be it Left,Congress,BJP,BSP and many others are part of the same coin.There is not one leader whom you could look up to,whom you could respect,who could represent this large and (now) not so proud nation.
My mind keeps on coming back to the same point that all this sadness in one form or the other that we have become accustomed to seeing and being a part of in our daily lives must have roots somehere else than what we are made out to believe by the politicians and the media.I mean there must be more to it than meets the eye especially if you analyse the experiences of the last century.
I think no one could have ever guessed what the follies of one nation could do to the whole world.They brought destruction in terms of warfare.They gave rise to unbriddled consumerism to suit their own fucking lifestyle while the whole world suffered.they brought the global economy to recession with their flawed policies and regulations. They gave rise to terrorism all over the world in order to combat an enemy. It's the US that gave rise to Taliban in Afghanistan in order to fight USSR.They supplied all the arms and ammunition and reared a virus.But like all other viruses this too beat back the hand that fed it.Presto - 9/11.
And since then there has been no looking back.Countries have suffered,people have died,spirits killed yet no one has dared to stand up and ask where does all of this end? When will it stop? What can we do to stop all this? I have tried my hand but never reached anywhere close to an answer. I am mentally shaken by all of this and don't know what should be done.Do we go on a killing spree and kill all those suspected of terrorism in one single swoop to send out a message that we mean business and we shouldn't be taken lightly or do we sit back and think and take some decisions and wait a bit longer to implement them while we are faced with another such situation................................................
Fresh piece of bad news that has hit me hard although I'm miles away from the drama and the action is the recent Terror strike in Mumbai. A 60 hour long siege where the city of Mumbai was literally brought to a halt. Held at ransom by a group of 15-20 people with sophisticated weapons at their disposal. The attack left 183 dead - 22 foreigners,20 Policemen,2 NSG commandos rest innocent civilians,caught in the crossfire between the terrorists and the security personnel. So many lives lost. Some very important people died,some not so important and a lot of common people going about their daily lives.
I am proud of all the people who fought to save the city from these bastards,I pray for the people who died and left their loved ones in grief.I pray for the people who managed to come out of the ordeal alive but are still shell shocked and traumatised.But I do not pray for the decision makers of this country and instead wish for them to rot in hell for as long as the devil wants.Its their incompetence for which the people of the country have to pay with their lives while they waste public money on themselves and their so not very important lives.I didn't lose anyone in the attack.No one i knew was present yet i am so saddened like the billions around the world at witnessing such a ghastly act of cowardness.
Only few hours have passed since the chaos finally ended with a monumental loss of life and property but I'm pretty sure that those in power and those wanting to get in power won't stop from using it as their agenda in the coming polls.They will try and drive maximum mileage out of this to suit their personal agendas and fill their overspilling coffers a lot more. Having sucked out the spirit of democracy from the mind and heart of the people they have literally sold the country to the wolves. The whole political class be it Left,Congress,BJP,BSP and many others are part of the same coin.There is not one leader whom you could look up to,whom you could respect,who could represent this large and (now) not so proud nation.
My mind keeps on coming back to the same point that all this sadness in one form or the other that we have become accustomed to seeing and being a part of in our daily lives must have roots somehere else than what we are made out to believe by the politicians and the media.I mean there must be more to it than meets the eye especially if you analyse the experiences of the last century.
I think no one could have ever guessed what the follies of one nation could do to the whole world.They brought destruction in terms of warfare.They gave rise to unbriddled consumerism to suit their own fucking lifestyle while the whole world suffered.they brought the global economy to recession with their flawed policies and regulations. They gave rise to terrorism all over the world in order to combat an enemy. It's the US that gave rise to Taliban in Afghanistan in order to fight USSR.They supplied all the arms and ammunition and reared a virus.But like all other viruses this too beat back the hand that fed it.Presto - 9/11.
And since then there has been no looking back.Countries have suffered,people have died,spirits killed yet no one has dared to stand up and ask where does all of this end? When will it stop? What can we do to stop all this? I have tried my hand but never reached anywhere close to an answer. I am mentally shaken by all of this and don't know what should be done.Do we go on a killing spree and kill all those suspected of terrorism in one single swoop to send out a message that we mean business and we shouldn't be taken lightly or do we sit back and think and take some decisions and wait a bit longer to implement them while we are faced with another such situation................................................
Monday, November 17, 2008
Deja Vu
It was a revisit to the forgotten past.Another trip down the painful and forgettable memory lane.A trip i didnt want to make.I wanted to move forward and not go back down again in my life but as fate would have it there is so much that you can do and wish for.There were so many hopes, so many wishes but all came to naught when that trip though unplanned and accidental came to be.All hopes broken in matter of time.Guess the apt words that could spring to mind would be-"Chann se jo tootte koi sapna....jag soona soona lagey jag soona soona lagey koi rahe na jab apna...jag soona ou?soona lagey."Trite, sure, but you can't run away from the truth, can you?
for 4 long years it had been the most important thing in my life.Everytime running after the same thing,for the same elusive(or illusive, i don't really know) victory.The past years were different in the sense that i knew that i still had it in me to take the fight to the next year.But this year was different.From the outset i knew that it would be my last attempt to gain that victory.No more attempts after this.But what does fate had in store for me.I guess something else.Like the horror of 2005 i had to face the same result.Same scores, same rejection.
I have always believed that whatever happens, happens for the best.That is why after coming so close to getting admission to the most coveted college of all in India - IIM's and not making the final cut i was over it(albeit after some time) thinking about the struggle the current batch would go through and how things would be different next year. But what next year am i talking about when i fail to get admission in the first place.The struggle of the past 4 years has taken its toll.I knew that i wouldn't give it another shot and now here i am, not knowing what to do.Where is the best part in all this for me i can't see right now, maybe somewhere down the line thr might be but i can't see anything right now.
I don't know if the shock i have felt will ever let go of me because to me getting that one seat was the most important thing in the world.Didn't want to settle for anything else.Its like when a child sees a toy and likes it and wants that particular toy and nothing else no matter what his parents might say about the other toys being good or equally good.The child wants the particular toy at all cost.My case is pretty much similar except for the fact that in case of the child the parents oblige by buying the toy i have no such recourse now.I can't be into IIM ever, just like i never got into IIT.
This brings me to another point that has been circulating in my mind since yesterday.All my life i have never got anything that i wished for and the few times that i have, it has always been accompanied with something else being taken away.Examples galore and i would be a fool to even think of narrating any one of them, there are so many.Rest of the times i haven't got what i wished for.Seems like luck has never been on my side and never will be.I know my thoughts are depressing and sad and people think i'm crazy doubting myself, but the hurt and the pain that i'm going through won't let me be.What is to become of me now.Will i get a chance elsewhere?Even so i will have to settle for something else.It would be a compromise that i will have to accept(If at all i get 'Lucky').The feeling will linger forever and ever........IIM remained an impossible dream.
for 4 long years it had been the most important thing in my life.Everytime running after the same thing,for the same elusive(or illusive, i don't really know) victory.The past years were different in the sense that i knew that i still had it in me to take the fight to the next year.But this year was different.From the outset i knew that it would be my last attempt to gain that victory.No more attempts after this.But what does fate had in store for me.I guess something else.Like the horror of 2005 i had to face the same result.Same scores, same rejection.
I have always believed that whatever happens, happens for the best.That is why after coming so close to getting admission to the most coveted college of all in India - IIM's and not making the final cut i was over it(albeit after some time) thinking about the struggle the current batch would go through and how things would be different next year. But what next year am i talking about when i fail to get admission in the first place.The struggle of the past 4 years has taken its toll.I knew that i wouldn't give it another shot and now here i am, not knowing what to do.Where is the best part in all this for me i can't see right now, maybe somewhere down the line thr might be but i can't see anything right now.
I don't know if the shock i have felt will ever let go of me because to me getting that one seat was the most important thing in the world.Didn't want to settle for anything else.Its like when a child sees a toy and likes it and wants that particular toy and nothing else no matter what his parents might say about the other toys being good or equally good.The child wants the particular toy at all cost.My case is pretty much similar except for the fact that in case of the child the parents oblige by buying the toy i have no such recourse now.I can't be into IIM ever, just like i never got into IIT.
This brings me to another point that has been circulating in my mind since yesterday.All my life i have never got anything that i wished for and the few times that i have, it has always been accompanied with something else being taken away.Examples galore and i would be a fool to even think of narrating any one of them, there are so many.Rest of the times i haven't got what i wished for.Seems like luck has never been on my side and never will be.I know my thoughts are depressing and sad and people think i'm crazy doubting myself, but the hurt and the pain that i'm going through won't let me be.What is to become of me now.Will i get a chance elsewhere?Even so i will have to settle for something else.It would be a compromise that i will have to accept(If at all i get 'Lucky').The feeling will linger forever and ever........IIM remained an impossible dream.
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