Break Up Saurabh!!!!!

Shankar Mahadevan sang - Wake Up Sid. I would like to hum a different tune though, its Break Up Saurabh. Well I know it doesn't rhyme but who cares. After a long long time I'm happy and I mean I'm truly happy. I feel light as if the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I know I have said this before and yet with in couple of weeks i am back to my usual sulking self and i know that many of you reading this article would not believe me when i say that this time there won't be a relapse. But I would like to assure all my well wishers that this time it's for real. I'm ecstatic right now. I feel the same way as i felt after giving IIFT interview. Totally free with not an iota of care in the world. I feel like i have taken a rebirth. There is a lot of positive energy flowing through me right now. And it's all got to do with one person. I won't name her but you guys know who I'm talking about. She finally said no, never ever.

Now you must be thinking that poor chap is going crazy because of grief. In fact many would go crazy. But i am happy because i had allowed myself to be something i wasn't. I was becoming just too much of a grump. Snapping at people for no particular reason. Always feeling down and dejected. Criticizing myself and blaming her for my being in this state and what not. I had become so awful that i had started to hate myself for being such a sadist. Worse part is i was driving her away from my life because of my complaints and negative attitude. This was definitely something i didn't want. We are good friends and i will try my best to be that. But I'm not forecasting anything yet. Although it would be fair to add that my decision also stemmed from the fact that she was developing feelings for someone else. So a combination of a lot of factors has resulted that i am a free bird now or as SAK said in LAK - "Khula Saand".

It would be wrong to say that i didn't see this coming. I had been told to do this by a couple of friends this past week or so but i was apprehensive. I didn't want to give up. I didn't want to admit that i lost. My male ego was dominating me to not accept defeat in any form. There were other signs too. My daily horoscope would once in a week tell me to let go of that relationship. But i never cared. I always fought to try and make this work. I believed that by doing all this i might move her around to saying yes. But there was definitely a part of my that said that if through all these efforts, she did say yes then won't she be making a compromise and settling for something she might not actually want? Where will that leave me then? In a relationship where she is not happy to be with me and i am still unhappy being with her. I didn't want that in my life. Who would? So i knew something or the other must give way. Either she would accept me whole heartedly or reject me sumptuously. And that's what she did.

So here i am standing on the road to nowhere right now. I know it would be tough and that this euphoria might not last long but i also know that with a couple of friends who really care with me by my side i would survive this phase. Hell i have been through worse things before and yet i am still standing, ain't i? I know if she reads this then i might lose what ever relationship i still have. But this is specially for you dear that try and be happy for me knowing that i am moving on from you as you have always wanted and that i am not letting our friendship go. It will remain as strong as ever. You definitely have to believe me on this as there is no other way i can assure you of this. That being said don't think for a moment that i am harboring any ill feelings as i simply can't. So this is me signing off on the first article of 2010 saying goodnight and goodbye to all the readers. Saurabh has left the building...........

What Do You Want From Me

Ahaa...another month passes by as we draw closer yet again to the end of a great year. Not for me but for a lot many others. US of A had its first black President, Congress won the elections in India, India lost to Pakistan in an ICC event, IIM barrier was breached, broken hand got mended, new and tantalizing friendships were formed (again not by me) and CAT went online. A lot of other things happened too which i don't have the time to talk about. Don't get me wrong this article is not about what all happened during the year and why it happened. I'm not going to chronicle all that. I'll leave that to the media people. Again I'm not here to define the sporting moment of the year or the political/economic moment of the year. This time in many months i know what i am going to write about. Now how is that for a start.

Again I would like to reassure you that this article is not about some melancholic cry for attention or to question the design of nature and the repercussions thereof. I guess we've had enough of that. But there is one thing i have not written about in a long time. Love, that sweet, innocent and spell bounding feeling. The current generation is intoxicated with this wonderful idea which according to Agent Smith is quite insipid. You see couples here, you see couples there. In the parks, on the phone, on instant messaging, they are everywhere. Typing messages in a frenzy, exchanging love notes and giggling that sweet laugh on that small, nonsensical joke they would have hated at other times. All in the name of love. To many it's the elixir of life. They can fight, argue with everyone around them, be it family, friends, colleagues but not with that special someone. At times i feel that the old adage 'Love is Blind' should be altered to 'Love is Retarded'.

Coming back to the topic, i would like to talk about love from a guy's perspective first and if possible from a girl's perspective (of what my crazy mind can throw up) later. A guy looking for some love, roaming around with his group of friends in the hot and spicy market place in Delhi like GK or Khan Market normally goes through the following process - Hey, that chick. Wow, she is awesome. Man i would want someone like her with me. Takes a look at who he is with, dips his head in disgust and moves on. Suddenly he notices somebody with the girl. He says - What the fuck, she is with that as****e. Man she can do so much better. Are eligible bachelors like me dead?? Feeling sorry for himself he finally trudges off the scene. That's what a typical guy does. That's how his love story progresses till he finally through chance, not providence meets somebody who seems interested in him.

It's a dream come true. The best thing that could ever happen in his sorry little existence. I am not so bad after all, he thinks smiling from ear to ear. Then it starts. The late night calls, the giggling, making lovey dovey statements, slight fighting, then degrading himself to say he is sorry although it wasn't his fault to begin with. Wishing for that one compliment of the week even though he might have showered 100's in a single day. Hiding the facts and figures from close friends - I'll tell them once something concrete happens. Trying his hardest to please the sacred one and trying his best not to get her mad with such devotion that would shame IIT/IIM aspirants. The one missed call and you leave everything you are doing to call back. The one message and India-Pakistan match goes for a toss. Soon all the happiness in life becomes tied to the whims of the oh so perfect soul. Allowing the buttons to be pushed at will and random, the same buttons they had defended so valiantly against everyone thus far.

But can there be trouble in paradise? Yes it can and it is a three letter word - JAF, short for Just A Friend. I never thought of you like that. You are my good friend, please don't put me through this. Or in the worst case, I already have a boy friend. I wanted to tell you but was not sure where we were in our friendship. Now that sucks and the all the magical world comes crashing down. Nickelback sang, Burn It To The Ground, and they sang well. Just a little too well for some. But that doesn't mean it's the end. No ways, after all he has waited for so long for this. He will fight and try and make the girl realize that love lies here and not elsewhere. But we all know how that story is going to end, don't we? It is this proverbial hope that keeps the lover boy going, doing things he never dreamed he would do. And thus the story goes on and on and on. Energizer could have a new theme for a campaign.

So that is how a guy typically falls in love and reacts. I know all of you reading this might have felt so for someone or the other if not yourself. After all it's a rarity that the girl actually falls for the guy when he proposes, except if she is in school. But then why do girls end up with the worst guy possible? Hard to say. As a friend of mine put it so beautifully once, 'Commonsense is not so common these days'. Then what is it that girls want? I wish i had the answer, i might be able to solve my problem. I do know a bit though about what girls don't want. They don't want to be questioned. They don't want to be center of a joke (they have every right to make a clown of you in public though). They don't want to be runners up in your life (even though you are JAF and you are never closer to the top of the ladder in their life). They can't be put on hold while you, well you know. But there are some things that the girls should be given credit for. And these are big things for which the guys actually fall in love in the first place. Girls can make your life special. Girls can make your day with sweet nothings. Girls can be very devotional and caring which simply blows your mind away.

Complicated matter is Love. Not easily defined. Not easily explained. Not easily felt. Very intoxicating. Very addictive and yes very very very much RETARDED................

Blank

I don't know what i want to write about. I don't have anything specific in mind. I don't know whether this will be a short article or will I find the matter to make this a long article. 'It's been days, 35 to be precise since i last wrote something. So the need/craving to write has built up a bit but i have been putting that craving down simply because i haven't had the time to write something that i do want to write about. There have been instances which can deem a mention. There have been thoughts that have come to my mind as to what my next article must be all about. But right now i can't seem to allot them any importance. They have become insignificant events that took place sometime ago. All this doesn't mean that i'm going through one of my writer's blocks as i do have some issues that i could write on. But i am choosing not to as i know i won't like it when it's done and sure as heck will make someone quite mad,angry and in the end sad.

So what am i writing about. Should i detail out an event with the flowery vocabulary and build it up as if its a magnum opus rather than a simple (though painful operation)? Or should i detail out what's going on in the trading world with vivid examples and quotes to make the articles impressive to anyone who has an interest in stocks would like and others would only admire the effort and presentation? I can even act as a tour guide and list a lot of touring destinations with photographs pasted and detailed description given of what all can be seen and done in that location. But as by the looks of my write-up you must have guessed by now that i'm not going to do any of that stuff. I could talk a bit about politics and how what is wrong is being glossed over and how the Indian media is not doing it's job and etc. etc. But isn't that being rhetorical? I mean how many times can anyone read that same stuff? It's there everyday in the news and newspapers. I won't be adding a new dimension to the existing flaws and the discussion thereof.

Then again there is the allure of writing about love, life and relationships which my poor hassled readers have gone through time and again. But I am not in the mood right now for that kind of stuff. It's pretty much the story of how my life has shaped up and how and where i am right now. I have no idea what i want in life but i do know a few things i don't want to be and some things i don't want to do. I guess that thinking has finally found base with my writer mind too. I have no idea what i should/want to write about but yes i do have an idea of what i don't want to write about. As you might have guessed i am back to square one now. Not knowing what to write and still filling out words and pages for god knows who. One thing i would like to mention here is that even though i am at 60th article (nearing the years of India's Independence :) ) i don't have any readership. I believe my blog is probably one of the least followed blogs on the internet. It does feel sad to know this but it kind of gives a sick feeling of happiness too that i am creating a record anyhow with this.

People back in US have asked me how it feels like to be back home and what is the first thing that you did and other stuff. To all i have replied the same stuff, that i love the food and i love the feel of my hands on the steering wheel of my car. I missed driving while i was in US and i surely missed my mom's food. This sounded really peculiar to a lot of people in US. A grown man living with parents and i had to explain how that is what Indian culture is mostly about. You are not considered a good kid if you move out and leave your parents behind. I know i am not talking about the whole country but probably a respectable proportion. It feels good to get behind the wheel of the car and drive as fast and as madly as possible. It feels good to be among friends again and it feels good to spend more time on my friend's seat in office than on mine. Of course this comes at a price of having to listen to some or the other nonsense from someone or the other but it's worth it i would say.

Many would say that i haven't enjoyed my stay in US and that i should have done this or that i should have gone here etc. etc. But i know that whatever i have done nobody else would have done and frankly i did what i liked doing. So yes i did feel that it would have been better to have had some company but still overall an adventurous trip. I'm not sure my valiantly trying mind has any more exciting stuff to dish out and i am getting a bit tired too (i know my fitness and concentration levels are the worst in the world). So i'm going to kill this article here, not intending to finish it and hoping that whoever reads it doesn't pluck out his/her hair. Sionara goodbye shabba khair

Brookfield, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA

Ever since I joined Pentair Water after college, I have been working for one business unit only, Fleck controls dealing in water softeners and located at Brookfield. Pentair at that time had a policy of continuously sending out people from India to the States so that they could get better training and feel of the products they are making. So it was a surprise that I hadn't managed to go for so long. But finally both my and my company's timing matched and here I was flying solo to US (which can be a pain in a**) to an unknown land amongst unknown people. For the uninitiated, there are few things about me that are not so popular. I hate doing almost anything alone. I can't eat, roam around, shop or even go to the movies alone. So for me to travel to an unknown country for 6 weeks was certainly a big challenge. Second, unlike many people I know (believe me the count is big), I don't have a fixation with US and coming and working here. Europe yes maybe not US per se.

My only reason for wanting this is to add something to my CV because Indian firms and colleges give weightage to any kind of foreign exposure. Don't know where this notion got set in but yeah it exists now. Having said all that, I have been here for the last 18 days or so. Now I don't think I'll start recounting how my days are being spent here and what all I am doing as first I don't think I want to do that and second, i don't think anyone wants to read that either. For those of you who want to know, i know a phrase which will help you a lot, "Pictures say a thousand words." So just grab them either on picasa or orkut. Anyways, this brings me to the point as to then why am i writing this article in the first place. People generally write something when they want to recount something. Talk about some stuff or explain some event etc. I am not doing either. So why am i writing this?

For starters, i feel i have this obligation both to this blog and in part to myself to write after a protracted interval. This blog certainly has helped me a lot over the last 2 years now. Been with me and provided me with an avenue to vent out my frustration and pain. So now when I'm seemingly normal, leaving behind such a friend (metaphorically) doesn't feel nice. Also, the fact that i am not doing justice to myself by ignoring writing gets to me a bit too. I have been writing all kinds of stuff from the time i was in 8th or 9th. Although it is a common hobby among people but for me writing has always been personal and i have always remained attached to whatever i write. It still feels good to rake up the old pages and read what i had written earlier. So one of the major reasons I'm writing this article is because i just want to write something. Although i am giving care to not take this article to incoherent levels and talk something meaningful.
A few things I have done while i have been here have been fantastic though and i believe i can talk about them a little. After all it's not everyday that you get to do fishing and catch a fish and do some woodwork and create something beautiful out of the wood or have a swing at the golf club. All these were made possible by my boss here and i think i can never thank him enough for the wonderful time i had at his house in the country. Now for me these are really exotic arts - fishing,carpentry,golfing those are leisure activities and being in India, you need both time and money to be able to be a part of something like this. I know these may not sound interesting to many, in fact all the persons i have told this to have not been too enthused. Different people, different likings, different priorities.
For me, i generally don't prefer the traditional activities people like to do when they visit a place, that is in terms of sight seeing. After all what can you see actually in a concrete jungle that you can't get to see in Delhi? I know architecturally i might find some better stuff, but still its a concrete jungle, right?That being said, I'm not saying that i don't like to see such stuff but just that I'm not as excited as others might be. Being a nature lover, i love being out there with mother nature, exploring stuff and clicking photographs. Give me nature over concrete jungle any day. I won't say I'm not happy being here or excited for that matter as that would be lying as though i don't like to say this but yeah i like the place. Clean and beautiful with such wide roads. Why US, the fourth/fifth largest country area wise has only .5% of world's population i will never quite understand yet it produces 20% of world's pollution. Amazing isn't it. Coming back to topic, right now i would say that I'm doing ok. i mean I'm not in a bad position. I do miss people back home but i have not yet gotten bored with the city yet. Knowing me that is a surprise. Well let's see how i end up as when October ends and then i would be better able to evaluate my stay :)

From Heaven to Hell

It has been some time since i last wrote something on this page. Frankly, i have not missed writing as i thought i would if i didn't get to write. Problem is i was falling into an inertia. I really had nothing to write or talk about. After all no one would care for another self deprecating article from my side nor would anyone like another article on world stories and personal tragedies. In sum, i was basically being redundant with some excitement missing in my life. I had a few moments of fun spread sporadically over the period, including the Pentair Football League where i was on the losing side in the finals that too in a shoot out. The pain of that defeat took almost a week to get over. After all i live and breathe football. The most exciting and wonderful game in the whole world. So losing out on penalties in the final after having dominated the league and been the best team was very hard to digest. No onder i didnt move the whole weekend. It was hurting like hell was another issue.

The second moment was the farewell that we gave to Kutty, the player. None of us can forget those inncent words, when having spent time miserably at the pool parlour and getting in the car to go home, Kutty perks up and asks innocently, "Ab hum kahan ja rahe hain?" Those words have remained and will remain along with the timeless, "Bhaiya pit rahe hain" and ofcourse, "Bhaiya ne khoon kar diya." So kutty has moved on leaving behind memories and a great farewell night. Probably the best I hav ever had while in Pentair. The sad thing is, when i leave i don't suppose there will be any one left to give me a farewell, like we have done for so many others.

So barring the occassional excitement that was generated by the not so hot Alka Yagnik look alike working as a trainee in our office, my life had few other points of entertainment during these past two months. So basically there wasn't an incentive for me to write. But somehow circumstances change and time presents you with opportunities that you either love or hate. To be fair life shows you both sides of the coin to give you a reality check as to who the boss really is. Saturday, 5th September 2009, is officially the best day of my life, no questions asked. It is the happiest day in my life so far and i guess will ci ntinue to be for a long time to come. I was happy, elated and prancing around with joy until the clock struck 11 PM on monday. That was you can say the worst day of my life. So i moved from being the happiest ever to being the saddest ever with in 2 days.

This sudden transition was so quick and so unsettling that it took me a full day just to get back to normal. And all through the day, i was cursing, crying, more cursing and sarcastic to the extent that i had nothing left in me at the end of the day. It was a roller coster ride which finally gave way to relief yesterday and since then i have been normal. I won't say i'm elated as that could again land me in trouble. Point is that its not the first time i have gone through this viciuos cycle. Many times in the past, i have crash landed from the skies after being a little too happy. Guess the lord doesn't like me being out of control when i'm happy or he knows that i might do things i would not want to while being happy and so to keep me in check throws these balls of fire to burn a hole in the unbrittled excitement.

So finally, problem is solved and i can do both the things i wanted to which basically means i'm flying out to US in the next week on an official trip. Although i'm going alone yet i'm very excited as not only it offers a world of opportunities but also it would be fun to get out of the mundane routine that has set in my life. So in essence, eagerly looking forward to the 16th when i'll be flying out leaving behind people i'm surely going to miss. So a new chapter gets added to my life which i have to wait and see how it will pan out. After a few weeks of tension and concentration a nice little break will surely help. In the meantime i might just try and figure out the one mystery of my life that i have never been able to answer, "Why the hell am i single?"

Not an Ordinary week

Another week has gone by. Another somewhat exciting somewhat sad week. Coming into july i knew i'll surely be in for a treat as Hollywood lined up some of its major summer blockbusters within week of each other. From Angels & Demons to Wolverine to T4 to Ice Age3 to Transformers2 and last but not he least by a long shot - Harry Potter and the half blood prince. Phew!!! 6 films in 6 weeks and i have been able to watch only 3 as yet. It sarted last weekend. Had planned to see transformers2 on the second day of its release at one of the coveted halls (i've heard its good but never watched any movie there), Wave cinemas. Banking on a little bit of imagination one can assume to get current tickets considering the hall was empty only a day ago. So there I was standing in line in the heat (Delhi has been way too hot this summer), waiting for my turn and voila i reach the counter only to learn to my shock - HOUSE FULL. I couldn't actually believe my eyes. A hall which was empty a day ago was suddenly filled. Never had i imagined this to happen. Maybe I took it a bit easy and maybe my instincts were all wrong. Well whatever be the case, i was standing in the heat with no fucking tickets.

My friend arrived on the scene and i sure enough heard an ear full of being too complacent. But I being me, couldn't give up so easily now, could I? So the search began for a newspaper to get the name of other halls. Soon we were able to get seats in Satyam, Janakpuri. Too my great regret i had to break my promise to myself to avoid Satyam in future at all costs. But these were desparate times and hence called for desparate measures. So off we went in a hurry to secure the tickets lest we loose them again. Thankfully we were in luck this time. I had missed out on watching the first movie on hall, so naturally couldn't afford to make the same mistake again. Sure enough it was a huge treat. Agreed the movie didnt give scope for acting and was out and out an action film, but what great action it was. The Dog falling from sky into the ocean and racing on water and land and jumping over fences and then disintegrating to enter the chamber, it was simply amazing. The sequel really took the movie to another level. No wonder it had the second highest opening in US Box Office history. A wonderful movie no doubt. And sunday brought Angels & Demons, though on my lappi. And although i had read the book earlier still i wasn't able to understand parts of it.

So a somewhat mixed weekeend brought a tumultous week emotionally and i was left wondering what happened all of a sudden. But to take my mind off it and to give my Best Friend of all times a good farewell (joining IIT - KGP) I decided to spend the friday evening watching the latest flick on display - Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Again i have never watched any Harry Potter movie on hall and i wasn't very impressed with 3 out of 5 movies that have been released so i was a bit skeptical about it. My interest in Harry Potter series grew only after I saw the tremendous action scenes of Harry Potter IV. But no. V was a big disppointment and no. VI was a bit of disappointment. Sure enough story wise it was a big revelation. Lot of things were revealed, but sadly no action sequences. No fights between the two sworn enemies. How can that be? That really upset the mood a bit, but gave a new determination to finish the VIIth book. The story had engrossed me so much. Thus the second weekend was spent reading book no VII.

I have to admit, book was good. I say this because i have never been a fan of Harry Potter series as such. For me the best book has always been LOTR and its movie adaptations were really mind blowing. All those wonderful fight sequences with comedy and tragedy mixed were a treat to watch with wonderful directorial skills. And probably this is where Harry Potter movie series lacks, direction. Peter Jackson is a wonderful director but i don't think same can be said for Harry Potter's director (I don't even know his name). But the book is good i must concede that, though LOTR wins the race by a long shot. I hadn't though expected Harry Potter to be such. But after having spent some 13-14 hours a new sinking feeling developed. The feeling that it is over.

There won't be any more Harry Potter series. The same feeling i had when I watched Matrix Revolutions, LOTR - Return of King, Bourne Ultimatum and of course, Pirates of the Carribean - At World's End. There won't be another version of these series and this created an emptiness, what's next? Guess i'll have to live with it. Look for some other series probably. But whenever these series end they do leave you a bit sad as you won't see the same characters again. So herre i am at the end of Harry Potter series too and i'm feeling a bit sad. But i do remmember though that i still have 3 movies left in the pipeline and they wil take some time to finish and thus i do have something to look forward to which is a good thing, right?

Whoa!!!!!

Ever since i gave my IIFT interview this year in Feb, I have been on a roller coaster ride. I have started living the life that i had always craved yet never gotten around to living it. I have managed to make a few trips to destinations i never thought i could, would go. I have managed to go out with friends, some of whom i have known for long but happened to meet only now. I have even managed to do some creative stuff. In all i am beginning to feel like a man who is enjoying his life (away from office i.e.). I have been to new places to hangout in saadi Dilli where i had never gone before. I have tasted new cuisines and drunk new stuff. All in all i have done quite a bit over the last couple of months. Still i would say that something is missing. I'm still not fully satisfied.

To change this whole scenario and add that extra bit of spice to the recipe, i did what i had been planning to do for so long. I made up a plan to go watch a PLAY. Yes, to stoke my cultural buds and develop a new hobby. It was no ordinary play, but an attempt to present all of Shakespeare's works - plays, sonnets etc. in a single show. For the record, Shakespeare had written 37 plays. Clubbing 37 plays into 1 show should have been real serious stuff. But kudos to the cast and the director and the script writer, they pulled it off magnificently. It was so hilarious that me and my friend were literally jumping out of our seats. Holding our stomachs with the laughter. They, both praised and ridiculed Shakespeare with equal elan. A wonderful presentation of the characters, with great emphasis on keeping everything within the modern context and timeframe. Keeping in tune with the script, the cast made good use of the audience as well to add to the hilarity.

One would think that Comic plays from Shakespeare can be accepted but how could the cast put humour in tragedies like Hamlet, Othello, Romeo and Juliet etc. Well taking a line from the dialogues delivered, "Why did Shakepeare write 16 comedies (out of 37)? They are all the same. We should do only tragedies, they are so much fun." And fun they were. A total satirical version of the plays where they ridiculed every character and yet weren't dispectful to THE BARD, it was really an enterprising display. The love of Romeo and the shrieks of Juliet on seeing her beloved dead were so comic that one could hardly keep himself from laughing out loud. The characters of Othello, constantly changing from a man to a woman and back to a man to meet the crew shortage (or to make it more hilarious), were also magnicifent.

To top it all off and present the cherry on a wonderful, delicious cake was the presentation of Hamlet. Ophelia going mad and rowning after being rejected by Hamlet, the queen drinking the poisoned wine, Hamlet and his uncle killing each other...everything was so electric and so entertaining. But the bes was yet to come. As soon as Hamlet ended they did an encore for the audience only to present it in a faster version. Very innovative and very classy. But the best was yet to come. After the encore they did another encore. This time the fastest of the lot. It was so hilarious to see the three crew members rush onto stage yelling dialogues and completing their as soon as they reached the centre and falling down dead to signal the end. It was really really amazing. They did a reverse version for it too where they acted all the scenes (quickly) in the reverse. From Hamlet killing his uncle to Ophelia getting drowned, to seeing the ghost of this dead father. All in sync without mistakes.

A wonderful evening spent with no qualms and complaints from any quarter. It was really a very special night as it opened up a totally new avenue for me to explore. Something that i have longed to do for so long. Finally the dream was fulfilled. To make the matters even more interesting was the fact that the crowd was also amazing. A typical Page 3 crowd or so it seemed. Beautiful women in beautiful dresses. Smart men, and no kids. There wasn't an empty corner in the auditorium. The auditorium too was in one of favourite places in Delhi, Indian Habitat Centre. Don't know why but whenever i get anywhere near IHC, i simply go ga-ga over it. So it was a double header for me to go to IHC to watch the play. This has ignited in me a spark to pursue more such activities, so that i can say that i am living a life after all............

No. 50 - The Journey so far

This day, right now I'm writing my 50th article on this blog. My first ever attmpt at seriously writing about stuff that i would love to talk about with someone. Suffering from a perennial lack of people to share my views with, i was always filled with all the thoughts for which i never had an outlet. Probably that's why i used to talk to myself a lot. That is why i guess writing comes naturally to me. I know i'm not a great writer and all the stuff that i write is hardly entertaining let alone interesting at times but this much is true that whatever i write comes straight fro m the heart and the mind. There has not been an iota of fakeness in my writing ever. That some might say is just lack of imagination and yes i don't have anything to defend myself with on that. But still i believe that whatever i have written so far is genuine and my actual thoughts and feelings and hence holds sntimental value.

As the description on the top of this page shows i am quite choosy about topics that i write about and hence going through the last 49 articles you won't find a lot of variation in the topics that i have written on. Movies, politics, love & pain, self introspection and probably a few here and there, that's my total list of articles. I don't write flowery sentences. The ones that show off your vocabulary. I don't write enterprising articles depicting tales of some events that never really happened. I don't write about people's point of views. What i do write is about me, my thoughts, my feelings. Guess you can say i am a self centered pig but what can i do i love myself. The fact is that i can't write about how other people might think and react to a situation because if i'm writing about something that simply means i am interested in tallking about it and that leaves me the only candidate whose voice my mind is ready to listen.

I know like the other articles this one too is going to land up in a heap of mass , unread and unappreciated by many. After all there is nothing exciting about it. A no. 50 article should have been special, right? Actually, no. I don't need special numbers to get myself talking or doing stuff. I don't need a date to tell me that i should go tell my mom that i love her. I don't need a date to go and express my love to my special someone. I don't need a no. to write a fantastic article. So like the rest this one too has a bit of introspection built into it. A bit of self criticism and a bit of cynisicsm too. I know when i started out on this blog i wasn't very sure how far this was going to last. It just happened that i hated the idea of blogs to begin with. But now, 1.5 years down the line i feel like this was the best decision that i had ever taken. I don't care if my articles are read only by those whom i mail the content and that outside those 10 people there is hardly any visitor on my blog but that is not a dampener.

Agreed it kind of hurts not being so popular as a blogger after all who wouldn't want a little bit of appreciation. But i know that i am not writing this blog for people's pleasures. It's a gateway for me to at times let out my frustration without harming anyone and at times talk about stuff that i really want to express my thoughts on. This is more or less my online diary and i guess it's fine if it ain't read by many as it leaves it a tad personal. In Dec 2007 when i started this blog it was my way of getting back at people who had hurt me without going up to them to let them know that i was being hurt. Slowly, the feelings faded away and i started writing about stuff that i wanted to talk about. Slowly my interest started increasing and consequently a lot of what was going on my mind came out in the form of words on a page. Looking back now i feel that it has helped me in more ways than one. It has helped me keep myself sane in the time of struggles and heartaches and at the same time helped me improve my writing and to some extent my usage off english language. 

I know i am still far off from being a true artist, i am a novice i would say and would continue to be so for a long time to come. But yes, my writing has given me a renewed sense of confidence and belief in myself, something i was surely lacking when i first started out. Today i come across many people who have writing as a hobby/interest and i hear their efforts and it hurts to know that i am somehow not in that league yet. But i guess, i have never truly tried hard to be in that league. I have continued writing in my own, mundane style week in and week out. I am not a show man but i do want to believe that i am a craftsman. I am polishing an honing the writer in me so that someday it can reach heights that i only dream of right now. I know i am trend setter. After all i have made four of my friends start writing about their feelings but i won't call them bloggers yet. They don't have the zeal yet though Zoo Zoo is showing some signs. I though am a bit surprised. Over the years my weakness has been my quick loss of interest in things. But blogging somehow has managed to survive for a long time.

I don't know if i should call this blogging or not. Like i said this is more of an online diary and since i don't go and read other people's blogs apart from those my friends write and send across, i think it wouldn't be right. But again since this is a web log, blog seems the natural adjective. I was once told to write in a way that leaves the reader searching for more. A gripping tale or narrative that makes you go on reading no matter how long it is. You should be able to make the reader commit to you. And in the end he must be left awestruck (or at least near enough). But till date that has not happened with me. My writing style is such that i can't put in the spice. I love the writing style that i was told to adopt i know, but i guess somewhere inside me i am just a bit lazy to make that extra effort. I know i should sign off now as i have blabbered on for long and nothing important has come about and ofcourse this will only further dip the IRP's of the blog, so i am saying goodnight to the owls and to those burning the midnight oil for god knows what reason....

IPL

"It's big, it's going, it's out of the park for a DLF Maximum. Boy that man can hit some pretty big ones. 100 metres the distance it travelled. You're absolutely right my friend, that wasn't a bad ball either. Just goes to show what power this man has and the timing." Something you would have heard a hundred times over the las fortnight. As the second season of IPL currently going on in South Africa moves into the second phase, the cricket buffs across the country and quite possibly the world are not complaining. The excitement of last ball finishes along with the total domination of 100 runs victory, everything keeps you glued to the seat in front of the idiot box for a full 3.5 hrs.

Lalit Modi engineered this mega event last year was a run away success beating competition at the box office by more than a mile (figuratively). This year too after the hiccups the event has got going and brought out some good surprises in terms of the teams leading and lagging behind in the pack. This money crunching machine, pitting individuals of the same national team against each other. Such is the prfessionalism in the players that even while playing against old friends they are thinking of the team's interests first. That or maybe the money that his being doled out is making the choices for them. Eitherway, this mix and match of nationalities and personalities and charactes has surely brought the playing teams closer.

The event commands a world wide audience and is well appreciated in all parts of the cricketing universe making it a true global event next to only the World cup. But among all this craze for cricket and the excitement over the shrtest form of game (so far), there is something else running around hidden from the view. That is the brains and the management of BCCI - Board of Control of Cricket in India. The men behind this gamut of frenzy, the real men who thought up this event. The ones who eked out the details. The guys who brought in the money. Everyone has done a stupendous job to take the game to an all time high level. Agreed T20 attracts more viewership than other forms of the game and thus is bound be more successful/profitable. Still as they say in cricket you have to put away the bad ball to make it count. Same goes for this.

The men shrewd in their planning knew what they were doing and what they wanted. Now that is a sign of good management. People with brains putting them to good use and milking the oppurtunity that presented itself when India won the T20 worldcup. This sort of idea does make you wonder, whether this can be incorporated in some other game or can this be helful elsewhere. Hockey was a step ahead in this when they launched the Hockey Premier League 3 years ago, but low popularity of the sport made the event a non starter. No wonder the national game is in the ruin. Compared to cricket where India hasn't done a lot to make the nation proud, Hockey in the past has brought in huge laurels. Slowly that populartity was lost and predictably the national game had to move aside to lend the centrestage to something else. In this cricket crazy nation (much like football is to England) the day starts and ends with some or the other piece of cricketing action being viewed across the country.

Sure enough it's cricket that is hitting the headlines even as the largest democracy in the world dances to the tunes of election. Political parties crying their hearts out but to no avail as voter turn out remains dismal at 50%. Yet the viewership for the IPL matches remains high enough at around 70%. People having no interest in cricket too find time to watch a few overs but somehow to go out and vote is a big problem for them. Yes elections are for their country this time and not the state or the municipality for that matter (I doubt if people even know that we vote for the municipality too). Even the cinema halls are not running any new releases. IPL has hit every other business hard. Yet no one is complaining. Why should they? It'll be over in another fortnight or so and lives will be back to normal.

People will move on to other cricket matches, movies, studies, jobs etc. and IPL memories might just be lost in all the din. The only thing that will be running about IPL would be the coffers of BCCI with Lalit Modi sitting on a pile of cash and smiling like The Lord Buddha..........

If You Smellllll..........What the Don is Cooking

Yeah i know the title is somewhat strange but its taken from the best line i have heard in sports entertainment from the one and only The Peoples Champ and yes suitably modified for me. But yes otherwise the title stands true. Can you smell what i am cooking? Cooking is an art to say the least. The aroma of food rising in to the air and capturing the senses of everyone around is truly mesmerizing. I don't know why is it so, guess its because we all love food so much. Our bulging and now embarrassing bellies stand testament to that.

Which brings me to the point i want to talk about. I love cooking and probably that is why i love helping out in kitchen at home. I love the feeling, when you are appreciated for some thing you have done. The enjoyment you get seeing the look of fulfillment or satisfaction on the face of others, after having devoured your effort. People say that this is the ultimate gift for a chef, i agree. I know i can't cook anything. All i can do is make tea (i'm very good at that :) ) and it feels good when i get appreciated.

I have an iclination towards cooking and like listening about new recipes. When i hear the experiments people do to dishes, it generates a feeling of exciement which yearns to be fulfilled at the earliest. Sadly my memory doesn't permit me to remember things like these for long. It's all the less important stuff that i or my mind rather love to remember. But i am a fan which needs to delve a bit more into this artistic lane. Slowly but surely i have grown a liking to the field of artistry. 

It has so many avenues that i have never explored. So many things i know nothing of. So much to discover. Probably that is why i am shifting my focus to this field to try and see if i have it in me to deliver in this field. So that being said i know i'm talking big words here (big enough for me to handle :) ) , i am going to get myself a recipe book and start with the art of cooking to make the dishes that i love to listen about. Give the artist in me a chance to think and act rather than get suppressed in the melodrama of education.......

Seven

Seven items to describe me or things about me. A different approach, definitely. Let's see what I churn up.

Item #1: Girls

Never had a happy story to tell. Although i am ridiculed for chatting with girls only, fact is they are only chats and nothing more. Don't know what is the matter here but girls just don't seem to find me busy :D, I'm always free. Yet after all this I'm still single. Can it be because i consider myself the BEST Bachelor around. I don't believe that is causing a hindrance. Rest i leave to God to make me understand coz i just can't make any heads or tails of it.

Item #2: Education

Never been a top grader in anything i have ever done. Always in the rat race though for different reasons. Studied hard to get into DCE. Failed miserably as a student. Got placed after another struggle. Then thought of another innovative idea. Lets do MBA. Since i was never a technical guy, at least i have never considered myself one, it seemed like a logical choice for higher education.Been trying for 4 years now without a single convert.

Item #3: Sports

Always had a love for fats. Guess that explains my attraction to girls. PJ's are allowed so don't worry. Coming back to point. Never had an athletic build. I was the guy who could cheer his team but never be on the pitch and if i ever was then i wouldn't be doing a good job rest assured. Yes i like to watch a lot of games and have interest in quite a few but the only game i have ever played with true passion has been Football. The game where my heart truly belongs.

Item #4: Writing

Don't know if i am qualified to be called a writer or not, but i sure would like to believe that i am. Always had an inclination to writing. Started with poetry in hindi, moved to poems in english. Now i'm into blogging though i don't visit other blogs. Isn't that ironical? You can say my blog is just like an online diary. This has anyhow helped me improve my writing abilities.

Item #5: Criticism

The self proclaimed critic - my nick name at times. Yes i don't like a lot of things. I'm very hard to please no doubt about it. But that can be because i have very high expectations from people and things around me. Yes this tendency to criticize has posed problems in the past but i don't want life to be walk on rose petals. Guess that what gives me a realistic outlook to life.

Item #6: Music

Rock and metal music. The noise (thought not as loud as heavy metal music) gives me a high like nothing else can. It is the one friend that can never harm me. It engulfs my life, my being. It can cheer me up. It can push me to the upper limits. Only thing is that i need to broaden my horizons on this front. Too long i have stayed in the shadows of a select breed of bands.

Item #7: Friends

My friendship comes at a price. No this is not arrogance. I demand a lot from my friends. I expect a lot from them in my life. Simply because i rate them the highest in my life. I would do anything for my friends. That is why i demand them to be responsible and supportive. I have failed on this front a lot and as a result have been hurt a lot too. But that hasn't stopped me from being who i am. That i call the Myth of Friendship.

There are many other points that i could have raised about me here but they fall by the side as compared to these. If something important shows up well i guess i'll write another article.

I have never seen you in that way

Ahh.... that kind of feels like a stab straight into the heart. A wound inflicted upon thee by thy own longing. A result of the feeling you so wanted to express to the person infront of you. But what do you get in return? A timid but terse reply - "I have never seen you in that light." Your expression of love turned away politely. Why does this happen? After the time you spent with the person. Even after spending all your time trying to listen, handle, solve their problems. Even after being or trying deparately to become a pillar of support for them. Why is it that they can not see your emotions? This is not to suggest that you did all this for your own need. You provided the support because you actually cared. You wanted them to be happy. You would have given anything and everything for that smile to remain. 

They do acknowledge your support and care. They are thankful for that and mean it from the bottom of their heart. But.....they had never seen you in that light. Period. For them you are the friend that would be always there for them. While you the wanna be Knight in Shinning Armour had by now developed those forsaken feelings that you never thought could arise are left to the torture of the mind. The mind- the fastest animal alive. The questions and answers popping in and out every minute. What torture do they put you through. You want it all to be over so you could have some peace. You finally decide to take the plunge and pour your heart out.

"But.... I have never seen you in that light." This is when it hits you. You fool of a KNIGHT. The biggest misinterpretator of all. What made you think she would be interested? Having been there for her for some time doesn't give you a right to impose yourself on her feelings. She needed a friend and you took it too far. You betrayer. You should be slain along with all the monsters that ever existed. Okay that was taking it too far. Coming back to normality. What does all this mean then? You could never have a chance? Or you could if you just tried it slowly for some more time. Maybe she will see it later and accept it. Maybe she will realise that i am wat she is actually looking for. Maybe she will come to me one day and say, "oh my handsome prince please never leave my side for i want you to be with me always." Bravo...bravo!! where's the award damn it? 

Yes you would be thinking along the same lines. But that was brought upon thee by thy own self. Your ambitions, your expectations, your feelings. When will you ever stop thinking about yourself? Selfish son of a gun. Try thinking about others once in a while. You fool, destroyed or at least jeopardised a perfectly good friendship. Why did you have to listen to your heart? Your mind is more logical and reasonable. Listen to it for a change. Please. Well what now you think. What to do? Will things be same? Will she turn cold? Will she talk? Who will i find now that she can't be the one? What will happen to me? Will I die alone? You feel like crying. Man where is that award? 

You ponder on the event. You think why did it happen the way it did. You talk around. You are not the only one. Many comrades have suffered the brunt of JAF- Just A Friend. You take hope. This might not be all that bad. You have company. There many like you, thinking and wondering. You delve deep into the never ending abyss. You reach a conclusion that satisfies your ego. You love your interpretation. The self obsessed narcissist pig has reached an explanation. She is wrong. She doesn't know the difference between right and wrong. I do. Ask me. Keeping this thought in mind the Knight jumps on his steed in search of new pastures where the grass is green. Forgetting the time gone by. He enters a new land. Beauty beholds and he falls in love instantly. He cries his heart out the next week to her and waits for her response. The lips part. He looks at them. They move to say something. But he is mesmerized my their movement and the words miss his ears. The last sentence gets registered though -"But... I have never seen you in that light."

P.S. - Please pass this on to all those who have been through this like this Knight - the brave son of a gun.

Elections are coming

Elections always bring in a sense of nostalgia in me. A sense of belonging, headiness and charm. Yes they are big. Bigger than anything the world could ever see. Bigger than Obama victory. Time for India to crown its chief again. I remember how 10 years ago when as kid i would wake up early for 3 consecutive days to watch the nos. unfold. The countdown had begun already. BJP leading here, Congress there, Third Front lagging there. All the excitement. All the debates. The fights. Man those were awesome days. Politics is something important to me and yes it should be to all of us.
After all these are the very people that are going to make rules and regulations for us. They are in a sense going to influence our lives. Why shouldn't we care. We should be more active i say. Time is with us to help fight the incumbents. The nation needs change. The era of coalition politics has hampered the growth which we want to see. My plea to all my countrymen is to bring in a party that has absolute majority. A single party heading the government can do wonders which we can only dream of.
Agreed it can work the ther way round too but our political system is not so weak to let it happen. It has stood the test of time and India even after 62 years of Independence has managed to survive and grow when no body believed it could. Inspite of all the troubles we have managed to surge. We must believe in ourselves. We ought to do what is right for the country. Rise above petty politics and take the decisions that will lead India on the path to success.
Trouble is brewing across our borders and it needs to be checked. The nation needs people who can deliver the goods. Who are strong willed to take actions. Who have a spine that is rigid. India needs leaders and we as the citizens should be able to give her that. After all that has been done for us it's time we did something for the nation. I am not asking you to fight. All i ask for is to get up and VOTE. Execise the one right the govt. actually wishes us to exercise.
Like i said earlier its time to reclaim your life, only now i would like to say it's time to RECLAIM YOUR NATION......Caste your ballot. PLEASE DO VOTE.

I've Said Too Much

Woahhh!!! this is heaven. This is life man. When god created us this is how he wanted us to live. Keep doing your duties your actions but don't worry about outcomes. I'll shorten it. DON'T WORRY, period. There is so much to talk about. Slumdog, exams and god knows what else.
But i am too excited too happy to write anything. I so wanted to write about slumdog. What a movie, what a story what everything. But I'm not now. First its been too long since i saw it. Secondly enough has been already said and written. I don't want to be the piggy rider.
So Slumdog i salute you. I would also like to thank Mr. Danny Boyle for making the film. Mr. A.R.Rahman for the mind blowing music. Mr. Simon for the story. Mr. Dev Patel and Freida Pinto for acting and the crew and everyone else involved for being part of the film. Is this good enough for the academy or do i need more emotion?
Coming back to my original point. I'M FREE. Free as a bird baby. Free like the river gushing out towards the sea. There is a rush of emotions. There is so much i want to do. There is so much i want to happen. But finally after 4 years my struggle is over. At least in part. No more worries and tensions over papers. No more AIMCATS, CAT, IIFT, XAT. Wow, that is amazing. Yes i have to wait for the result. Yes it won't be long in coming, 3-4 weeks maybe. But there is one thing. It doesn't matter whether i make it or not. This part of my life is over.
It feels like ATLAS has just got the globe lifted off his shoulders. Yipee.... I want to jive. I want to groove. I want to croon. I want to roam. I want to do all that i have stopped myself from doing for these 4 years. I want to reclaim my life. MAybe a TATA SAFARI would do, what say? Naah...that is some distance away. Got my santro and it runs fine. I want to learn guitar. I want a girlfriend. After all till when am i going to be a bachelor man. I need change and that is what I'm gonna do. Change myself. I was fun loving. I was wild. But guess that person got lost in all this focus on studies and MBA. If i get in nothing like it. But if luck doesn't help me out this time then all i would say is LUCK BY CHANCE, sorry Farhan i am a big fan but i guess not all people can boast of something like you.
Man i'm young, when did i turn old?When did the spark dim? I hope that this spark lasts for long this time. I wouldn't want it to die anytime soon. I, a believer in life and god can be so sobre so tense so over matured. The more i think of it the more i'm beginning to dislike my 7 hour ago self. So i guess i should stop doing that. Plus i can't rumble on anymore. I'm not drunk for christ's sake. So here's to all you guys. Make it your last man. Get in or get out. We are bigger than this. We are wasting away. Stop doing this and that. Stop worrying. Start loving and enjoying. It feels so good. Get up and RECLAIM YOUR LIFE.........................

Lattoo main Lattoo.....WTF...

Its time once again for everybody to ring in the New Year.........ok i admit i'm vastly late in saying this but to be honest i didnt have any time before today to write anything. My last post about the glorified Indian voter was all about politics. The article was in response to one posted by Rajdeep Sardesai on CNN-IBN. It was an ode to how the indian voter had matured as an individual and learn to decide what is wrong and what is right. Well i for one am having some real hard time believing all that. As when you see the same people doing stuff that is so different from maturity and understanding levels, i don't know what to do.

I won't go into social problems facing the country as i don;t have the time and patience to do that. But i will talk about something that i haven't been able to fathom at all. something that everyone can be involved in - movies. Recently I saw Ghajini (in a movie hall) with my frnds and colleagues from office. I had lot of expectations from the movie. After all Aamir khan in a Memento copy. Fireworks was what i was looking for. Alas, like everything else the movie too fell short on my expectations. How could a perfectionist like aamir make a movie like this. No reason why the songs were there in the movie. It was a revisit to the 70's - 80's film industry.

Audio and video not matching for the song. Come on, Jiah Khan dancing in an ultra modern video where the lyrics are - "Lattoo main Lattoo." Can you believe that. what were the music director, producer etc. thinking when they were doing this. same case about the third grade villain picked out. I'm not doubting his acting skills but i'm doubting the skills of casting director. Had the villain been a side kick which he actually is then i wouldn't have had any problem. but this was too much to digest. To top it all of you have the highly dramatic fight scenes where a single guy takes out a whole gang of goons. Even Dharmender, Bobby or even Sunny Paaji could do that.

Where was the charm that Aamir Khan brings for the audience? The only interesting thing about the movie was Asin. The damsel who stole a million hearts with her acting and her breath taking beauty. I swear if i did ever watch the movie again it will be only to see her.Moving on, as i have said the movie was a disaster to say the least. But surprise, surprise. What are its box office collections? More than 200 crores - with in 3 weeks. It has gone on to become the highest grosser setting its sight on 25 year record of Sholay. How can the public who has matured enough to understand what is right and wrong make such blunders.

And let me remind you that Ghajini is not alone in this. There was the biggest hit of last year Singh is Kinng (or Kingg) which shook the BO but on the other hand there were movies like Wednesday, mumbai meri jaan which actually were far better movies but couldn't do well. This brings me to a question. When the Indian public can't decide what's good or bad in movies and opts for simple masala without substance how is it mature enough to decide who should rule it. How can media even dream of selling the idea? To me the Indian public still has a long way to go before they can be trully called MATURE. There is still a long way to go before we see light at the end of the tunnel...

I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing

Its been a long time since i last wrote something.A change has come over me i must agree as regards my commitment towards my writing.I have grown a bit lazy to say the least, preferring to do other things while online (mainly chatting) rather than writing.Today if i'm writing anything it is primarily because currently i have no one to talk too :).But on a more serious note there has been lack of motivation on my part to write anything, quite evident from my last few posts.I don't know the reason for it and it has been worrying me for the past few days where i have wanted to write something but wasn't able to put anything together.If i were to take a guess i would say that the sense of sadness around me and in my life over the past month could be a reason.But i doubt whether it would be true as during the same time i have had few really wonderful moments beginning with my cousin's wedding and culminating in my exam result.

So i am back to square one.Trying to find the reason of this dilemma and to find a way to get out of it too.But on the other hand i have to admit that i have never been so confident of myself as i have been over this past week.I have never felt so good.This surely is a positive sign.I'm happy if not excited or elated currently nad guess that is all that one can ask for in today's time.I have faith and belief in myself (what if i got one thing wrong in the project :) ).All this has spurred me on to take life more easily and try having more fun.Then why the conundrum.Why can't i write?Why a person who has always got a 'Too Talkative' remark in his report card not being able to talk?

Voila!! looks like i have struck upon the solution (I'm a genious :) ).Jokes apart, i think taking my last few years into consideration since the time i started to write this blog and sometime before that, I got more talkative-wanting to pour my feelings/frustration out of me whenever i was feeling sad or depressed.However, when i was really happy and enjoying myself i didn't bother too much to write something.So in short my writing is somehow linked with my feelings and emotion and that is the reason why most of my articles are relating to sadness and pain.Some movie reviews did go through but they were written simply because the movies were awesome.I might have missed a few movies but then again i'm not really a movie reviewer :).

So where am i now?Enjoying loud, heavy music (Hindi too :) ) writing and enjoying myself. I'm finally listening to the same music that i have been avoiding for so long now simply because i hadve gotten bored with the same collection.Guess this comes with the jolly mood that i am currently in.I must admit I'M LOVING IT.Head banging and grooving to the beats.Man i had forgotten what great collection i have.This is a journey to the past of sorts.

I am happy yet feelings of restrain do arise.Is so much happiness acceptable.Will I not be hit by the cycle of life where each phase of happiness is followed by that of sadness and vice versa.But to that I can say that I’ve quit worrying about the future.It is so uncertain so why bother thinking about it.Things will happen at their own pace.So live and enjoy the present.Move on from the past and put the future aside.Live and let live.So what I am doing for this.For one I have decided to change things in my life a bit.I have decided to pursue things I have wanted to do for so long but never had the will to do.I am going to make every day of my life count and try find something important to remember it.So when I look back I can find more than a handful of days to remember.This is for that wave of optimism sweeping inside me – I DON’T WANNA MISS A THING……………….

Dear Diary

Over the past few months i have seen a lot happen around me and there have been many instances when i have felt like doing something out of all the frustration that had been building up inside me.But the non-violent attitude doesn't allow me to take up cudgels and fight against the perpetrators of all this nonsense.I instead have taken all of it and more as a bitter pill and swallowed all the anger everytime that something has happened.But rest assured these instances do leave a mark on the mind.What happens certainly affects you in ways you would not know at the moment but maybe sometime later on.They tend to form your views and opinions on certain issues and regarding certain people-people you know and people you don't know.This may not look all that bad but the feelings that develop as a consequence of this may come out at the wrong time and in the wrong manner which can be harmful for a lot of people around you.
My mind has been through hell and back during this year with a wonderful beginning but a sad and depressing end that just doesn't seem to end.I have been on the high and elated and down and out within matter of weeks if not days.The upheavels i have gone through personally plus what i have seen happen across the country has send my mind for a toss.There are so many feelings that have developed inside me with a lot of ambiguity.Don't know how to react to all this as its all very confusing.I have not been able to make sense of a lot of things.Being a practical, non-violent and realist person i look for reason in everything around me.I somehow have not been able to find the reason behind terrorism.
There are so many thoughts flowing around inside my head.So much to say, so much to write about,so much to do yet whenever I try to sit down and write something meaningful and interesting i fail miserably.I was baffled initially when i was hit by this.I was not sure that when i have so much to write why i'm not able to do it.I tried and tried but couldn't write anything good. Then it dawned on me that its because i have so much to write that i fail to write coherently. What i'm trying to say is that because of the monumental block of feelings stored up inside me, i have not been able to channelise it all into one flowing paragraph.That is the reason why there is no fluency, no clear cut thought process.
I have taken out all the pent up frustration in my life on the poor and hapless readers of this blog via my sometimes sad and depressing but sometimes meaningful articles (pray that they forgive me).But this time i haven't got a clue what to do because i can't write anything substantial. Always resulting in a botched up attempt at writing an article.I don't know till when this phase of sadness and gloom will last in my life but i surely hope that it ends soon as it is getting really tiring to put up with it day in and day out.After all there is alimit to how much i can take.I know i'm strong enugh to avoid imploding but am i strong enough to prevent myself from exploding?That is the answer i'm looking for in my life.
I don't know if all the crap i have dished out here today makes any sense to anyone because i for one can't make out a thing.It can be that my mind is to restless to read through all this or it might even be the distraction of the music ringing out in my ears but whtever be it i am glad i wrote something.I was beginning to feel that i might be losing my interest in writing and music at the same time but since i'm doing both the things together right now (listening to music and writing) i guess i need not worry on that front for now. So to end this sordid saga of my unnfortunate mind and its incapabilities i would sign off for the time being with my eveready one-liner - HAVE A NICE DAY.........see ya...

Rock On...........

Writer, fighter, producer, director, singer, actor……camera man, every man..... FLOP…. Went the title song of Jaspal Bhatti’s FLOP SHOW but in this case it’s a big hit. No I’m not talking about Flop show’s success though it was a huge hit too. Here I’m talking of something else, something that has taken Bollywood to the next level. Can one man do all the things mentioned above (give and take one or two). Well, 2 months ago I would have said no way hose but I would have been made to eat my own words because there is a star on the horizon ladies and gentleman. We knew he is a good director, but a singer, actor, fighter (one punch only but he has a toned body J ) this we didn’t know and we saw all of it and more in ‘Rock On’.
Yes I’m talking about the charismatic ‘Farhan Akhtar’. Two months ago, I would have termed his entry as an actor as just keeping up with fad of becoming a Bollywood actor/actress. What with Himesh Reshammiya and the slew of models making their debuts alongside Emraan Hashmi. It was good that prior to watching the movie I had not seen any promos or heard any songs either which helped me take the movie as it was without any preconceived notions. I was skeptical to say the least of the star cast of the film. A film about music and no established face (including poor old Arjun Rampal). But not only were the performances great but also the music.
A Bollywood movie on rock music is very hard to come by. But it would create such a buzz was beyond my wildest dreams. Arjun Rampal has acted now in what about 20-30 movies, maybe more and done few good roles too but he fades in and out of the movie. Agreed his character was a slow, chill type guy but if you are performing on stage you got to move your fingers on the guitar even though you’re not actually playing it…. What he was doing is beyond me. After OSO this was a big step down for him I would say. Purab on the other hand showed a lot of character in the small role that he played.
But the star who took everyone by surprise ‘Farhan Akhtar’. He has taken Bollywood to a different level with this role. Nowhere in the movie does he make you feel that this is his first film as an actor. Such intensity and finesse is hard to see in the current crop of young actors. His performance literally blows you away. He gets so involved in the character he is essaying that it is mind boggling. Whether in a business suit as an asset manager or a rock star performing on stage, he fills both the roles completely and you are left wondering is he the same guy that we saw earlier. Much like what must be going on in Prachi Desai’s mind in the movie.
But all accolades fall on Farhan more so because this is not his usual cup of tea. To come up with such a brilliant performance on debut is truly amazing. Apart from acting, his voice too is quite good and you again tend to think that it’s a professional singer but surprise it is Farhan Akhtar. And what a dear old friend of mine would say,”Tumhare alfazon ka sahi hona lazmi hai kyunki tumhari maa Shabana Azmi hai.” All in all an electrifying performance in a very entertaining movie. Farhan has made a lot of fans and now I am one of them. From ‘Socha hai..’ to ‘Rock On’ to ‘Sinbad the sailor..’ the music has simply left me speechless. Wish to see more such movies with more such performances in the future. But tonight its all about one man, the star ‘Farhan Akhtar’.

Sorry Bhaiya Aap Galat Aa Gaye – Take A U-Turn

A very common line spoken innumerable times a day around the globe in different dialects. I myself have said it so many times to god knows how many people. Today however I was on the receiving side. In a short span of 45 mins I heard the phrase at least 5 times. When you don’t know where you have to go and have to depend on people for directions you can’t be 100% sure whether you’re getting the right directions or not. Coupled with the other traffic moving along the whole process was in a way a nightmare.

The ‘Schumacher’ in me was tamed down to a snail. On a day when I clocked 122 km/h on my speedometer I was forced to drive at 35 km/h. The high of having driven at 122 in the morning – breaking all existing records on Delhi’s roads (even highways) was washed over by the journey later in the day. A series of U-Turns ensued where every time I got some new directions. Plus the pathetic condition of roads made it miserable under the sun. To top it all off the work we had planned to accomplish didn’t get done and here I am all broken and tired. My legs aching after having endured another 1.5 hr drive home and 3 long badminton games that were played at a stretch.

But do I regret it? Hell no. I have realized over the last two years that I love driving. I may not set out on a trip every other weekend but whenever I’m behind the wheel, I love it. Moving in and out of lanes and speeding (only little-wanna touch 150 someday). I simply love all of this. But sadly Delhi traffic doesn’t allow you to enjoy the drive. You will get stuck up in a jam somewhere for sure, crawling at 5 km/h. But I take it as a strong pill, swallowing it down. The fun and the excitement is there nonetheless.

How I wish I had a clear stretch with minimal traffic every time I move out, but so does everyone else too I guess. You gotta love driving when you’re sitting in that seat and no matter how tiresome or long the journey maybe, you won’t feel bad after it because you have just done something you really enjoyed. Like Dhoni says,”Padai kuch bhi ho, zindagi mein Pyaas honi chahiye.” So I can say mujhe driving ki pyaas hai (hehehe).

It wasn’t like this in the beginning when I first started driving. I was fed up of the traffic and my inexperience. There was a time when I didn’t even want to drive. But slowly I got used to the car and the feel of the wheel. I grew confident and soon it transformed into love. I know I don’t know a thing under the hood of the car but I know I love all that there is.

That’s why my heart aches whenever I hear unwanted sounds coming from the car. It’s like you hear a loved one cry and you know you can’t make him stop. If I look at it closely, I might be brought into thinking that someone doesn’t want me to drive but that’s my imagination running wild. Thus from hero (at 122) in the morning to zero (5-10) at night, I’ve surely had an eventful day……….

Criticizing the Critic

It begins with a simple no. Ambling around to a small disapproval until the head rears and the whole idea/concept is utterly rejected/disregarded. Devoid of any taste it was, says the head. To the utter dismay of the hapless victim, he realizes, he’s just been harshly criticized. The victim with his head hung low, trudges away, mourning the loss and wondering where he had faltered. The onlookers, having got nothing else to do in their lives, these pitiful souls, they run up to the grieving victim, offer him their condolences and in a typical fashion denigrate the critic for his words. After all, critics are useless people and nobody really needs them anyways, isn’t it?
In this world where everyone has an opinion on everything under the sun, it becomes important as to whose opinion would you listen to along with whether the opinion makes any sense to you or not. Criticism in some sense can be taken as an individual’s opinion. What is absent though amongst all the opinions floating freely in the upper atmosphere is sound logic. This is what separates criticism from general opinion. Criticism is always accompanied by logic and reasoning. The whole thought process behind the judgment is clearly enunciated. Like everywhere else here too there are two sides of the coin. On one hand there is healthy criticism and on the other destructive criticism.
While the former appreciates the topic at hand and uses a mild tone to highlight the negatives, the latter uses a harsh tone and focuses mainly on the negatives. Magnifying the faults while completely ignoring the positives, Destructive Criticism takes shape out of circumstances. Sometimes warranted and sometimes not, it forms an integral part of a critic’s arsenal. To many critics it sometimes becomes a savior, an assertive call to let the prey know who the real king is.
But where lies the fun/excitement? One might wonder why critics do what they do. Can it be all that fun to poke fingers at others and highlight their shortcomings? Good questions i.e. if you don’t know what criticism is all about. Criticism is not about highlighting the faults. It’s also not about talking down to others. Criticism is an art. It takes time and a lot of thinking goes into it. You have to delve deep into the individual’s mind and come up with a theory, a theory which supplements your judgment. A critic has to analyze the thought process of the individual involved by taking clues from his work. Criticism without the logical theory backing it is as bland and phony as a toy phone placed in a phone booth.
Not only does the theory provides credence to the critic’s judgment but also eliminates the basis for counterarguments. Any good critic, worth his words, will always put up an unbiased/impartial view to his readers. He delves into positives along with negatives of the issue at hand. Critics can be harsh and blunt at times but that is the need of the hour. Critics recognize the importance they hold and what weightage do their comments carry amongst the general public. Their continuous efforts make everyone around them perform at his level best by projecting the faults as possible scope of improvements.
At a time when even a small disagreement can lead to acrimony in some cases enmity, being a critic takes a hell lot of courage. Being a critic is no walk in the park, critics are ironically the guys who get the most criticism for their work. But often, it is borne out of sheer resentment rather than sound logic. Nevertheless it’s something they expect out of others too, whom they criticize to take it on the chin and work to remove the inadequacies. All the victims of criticism should thus instead of grieving sit up and analyze the faults and rectify them to earn the praise of everyone….. even the critic.