Another chapter in my life draws to a close as i prepare to spend the last of my days in this MBA institute. Have been through a lot of different circumstances, experienced gloom, sadness, happiness and complete ecstasy. I have never been fond of studying and i felt the pain again after 4 years of working when i had to prepare for all the exams, quizzes and presentations. To top it all, having to stay awake in classes was a big problem. I still remember being caught sleeping 4 times by the same prof in the first term itself. No wonder i was nicknamed SOTI.... :) (though it came about on the rural immersion trip). I knew staying awake would be a problem but i guess i crossed all limits during these two years :)
Before coming to Indore, I had heard a great deal from different people about the quality of food and different delicacies you can find here. I was excited no doubt but I was hugely disappointed as apart from a few places rest had nothing special about them. Don't know if i could call a particular dish made better in this town than anywhere else but yes i can get almost everything available here in every other place. Moreover, mess food as expected was useless and I spent almost 3 days a week eating outside. All the time going to only one place near the institute whose every dish includes cheese and sometimes only cheese.
My life here has revolved around a lot of TV series and movies. The fact that there aren't any places to hang out in this town (refraining from calling it a city) has only helped in the despair that surrounds whenever the point of 'going out' is discussed. There is nothing you can do in your free time and this sense of wastefulness really gets to you day by day. Although we do have a 3 month old sports complex operational in the campus, i have never gotten around to make full use of it and i accept that it is inertia on my part that is responsible. Still it counts for little when all you can do is go to a mall, roam around (as u can't shop with zero bank balance) and come back.
One thing i have done in these two years is learn more about human behavior. I have gotten to know a lot more about how people are/can be. I have always known that no one is your own and there are some motives attached always but coming face to face with some has not been a pleasant experience. All my life i have found a couple of friends that i could call my own-those i can count on no matter what and those who know what I'm going through by just reading my words. Sadly, though I've failed to find those here. I mean yes they are good friends but not all weather friends. Those who know me also know that i don't get angry or sad easily when it comes to people around me but if i look at myself today, I'm not so sure. There seems a pain inside me that refuses to go away no matter what i do. I hate being like this but i guess i feel a sense of betrayal that i have not experienced ever and this is what is probably hurting the most. People told me how these two years would be the most exciting years of my life and yes i know couple of you reading this would call me the cribber (like always) but i would definitely not agree that these were the best years of my life.
Without getting into specifics i would say that i was a sort of a misfit for this program. Many times i thought about why i am here and what i can accomplish. These self-doubts exist even today but i guess they've quietened down since last week. To be honest, I ain't actually proud of anything i did in the two years i have spent here. Looking back, i see how different things could have been and yes given a chance I would love to go back and change a couple of them. Maybe then i wouldn't feel the way I'm feeling right now......
