Not an Ordinary week

Another week has gone by. Another somewhat exciting somewhat sad week. Coming into july i knew i'll surely be in for a treat as Hollywood lined up some of its major summer blockbusters within week of each other. From Angels & Demons to Wolverine to T4 to Ice Age3 to Transformers2 and last but not he least by a long shot - Harry Potter and the half blood prince. Phew!!! 6 films in 6 weeks and i have been able to watch only 3 as yet. It sarted last weekend. Had planned to see transformers2 on the second day of its release at one of the coveted halls (i've heard its good but never watched any movie there), Wave cinemas. Banking on a little bit of imagination one can assume to get current tickets considering the hall was empty only a day ago. So there I was standing in line in the heat (Delhi has been way too hot this summer), waiting for my turn and voila i reach the counter only to learn to my shock - HOUSE FULL. I couldn't actually believe my eyes. A hall which was empty a day ago was suddenly filled. Never had i imagined this to happen. Maybe I took it a bit easy and maybe my instincts were all wrong. Well whatever be the case, i was standing in the heat with no fucking tickets.

My friend arrived on the scene and i sure enough heard an ear full of being too complacent. But I being me, couldn't give up so easily now, could I? So the search began for a newspaper to get the name of other halls. Soon we were able to get seats in Satyam, Janakpuri. Too my great regret i had to break my promise to myself to avoid Satyam in future at all costs. But these were desparate times and hence called for desparate measures. So off we went in a hurry to secure the tickets lest we loose them again. Thankfully we were in luck this time. I had missed out on watching the first movie on hall, so naturally couldn't afford to make the same mistake again. Sure enough it was a huge treat. Agreed the movie didnt give scope for acting and was out and out an action film, but what great action it was. The Dog falling from sky into the ocean and racing on water and land and jumping over fences and then disintegrating to enter the chamber, it was simply amazing. The sequel really took the movie to another level. No wonder it had the second highest opening in US Box Office history. A wonderful movie no doubt. And sunday brought Angels & Demons, though on my lappi. And although i had read the book earlier still i wasn't able to understand parts of it.

So a somewhat mixed weekeend brought a tumultous week emotionally and i was left wondering what happened all of a sudden. But to take my mind off it and to give my Best Friend of all times a good farewell (joining IIT - KGP) I decided to spend the friday evening watching the latest flick on display - Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Again i have never watched any Harry Potter movie on hall and i wasn't very impressed with 3 out of 5 movies that have been released so i was a bit skeptical about it. My interest in Harry Potter series grew only after I saw the tremendous action scenes of Harry Potter IV. But no. V was a big disppointment and no. VI was a bit of disappointment. Sure enough story wise it was a big revelation. Lot of things were revealed, but sadly no action sequences. No fights between the two sworn enemies. How can that be? That really upset the mood a bit, but gave a new determination to finish the VIIth book. The story had engrossed me so much. Thus the second weekend was spent reading book no VII.

I have to admit, book was good. I say this because i have never been a fan of Harry Potter series as such. For me the best book has always been LOTR and its movie adaptations were really mind blowing. All those wonderful fight sequences with comedy and tragedy mixed were a treat to watch with wonderful directorial skills. And probably this is where Harry Potter movie series lacks, direction. Peter Jackson is a wonderful director but i don't think same can be said for Harry Potter's director (I don't even know his name). But the book is good i must concede that, though LOTR wins the race by a long shot. I hadn't though expected Harry Potter to be such. But after having spent some 13-14 hours a new sinking feeling developed. The feeling that it is over.

There won't be any more Harry Potter series. The same feeling i had when I watched Matrix Revolutions, LOTR - Return of King, Bourne Ultimatum and of course, Pirates of the Carribean - At World's End. There won't be another version of these series and this created an emptiness, what's next? Guess i'll have to live with it. Look for some other series probably. But whenever these series end they do leave you a bit sad as you won't see the same characters again. So herre i am at the end of Harry Potter series too and i'm feeling a bit sad. But i do remmember though that i still have 3 movies left in the pipeline and they wil take some time to finish and thus i do have something to look forward to which is a good thing, right?

What to do?

Only a week or so ago i was wondering, thinking to myself, hey I haven't written a sad article for quite some time. I was missing the darkness, the sombreness that is normally associated with my sad articles. The usual monologue cribbing and whining about what all is wrong with this pathetic little non existence called my life. The heavy overdose of self criticism and the outpouring of unusual grief as to why nothing is what i want it to be in my life. The kind of article that makes the intestines of all those who read it, twist and writhe in pain and agony over the mundane and sadistic article. Yes i have been criticised time and again for all the sad articles i have written and even yelled at by few, but i know deep inside this black heart of mine that whatever comes out is how i feel at that moment. At that particular point in time and space I'mfeeling cringy and aggravated enough to spew out the venom from inside my body and soul in the form of an article.

I have also time and again doubted my skills as a writer and time and again been told to not think about it, but me being me can't do that. So again and again i spend my time analyzing and criticizing myself over what i have written using none of the flashy vocabulary and wonderful imagination that i have seen others display so effortlessly. I know i can't write that way as one i don't have a good vocab and second my mind which in itself is a topsy turvy landscape doesn't let a thought process run its full course. So at times what i usually end up with, is only a shadow of what i wanted to write with the most ineffective use of the millions of words present in the English dialect.

Which brings me to the point as to why i am writing this article in the first place. Today i am having that sinking feeling again. I am feeling nauseated and crushed as if wind has been knocked right out of lungs. I have that empty feeling in the pit of my stomach which no antibiotic (probably not the right word but what the heck) can cure. I know people know me inside out and they'll understand what i want to say and to whom it is directed. I don't mean to cast any aspersions and i don't blame anyone for how I'm feeling right now as it has to do with me. As far as i see i am one of the chief reasons for all this bickering that currently goes on in my life. Never trying to look at positive things and instead always complaining and demanding, i take myself through all this again and again.

But every cloud has a silver lining, so they say and i think i have one too. I have the inordinate capacity to assimilate all inside me. I have the ability to take it all, dish out some and soon forget all about it. Take now for instance. I was sad and cribby some time ago and that got me writing this article, but now I'm not cribby. Yes a tinge of sadness does remain, but that too will soon wash away. I can take it in my stride and move forward. But the problem is, to where? I might be easy to forgive and difficult to forget but where does that leave me. It leaves me standing at the intersection again, walking the same path i had treaded some time ago and on which i had cursed myself to never walk again. But alas, me being me won't have any of it. All my giant ego which has burned quite a few relations and hurt a few others always abandons me at the right moment.

After all what has this ego ever brought me? Nothing important as far as i remember. In fact it has been the reason for many of my pain filled days. Yet i have clung on to it in the name of self esteem, clamoring after its non-existent virtues. What good is my ego then? One answer that does come to my mind is that it prevents me from any major pain that i might have to go through later on in life. That seems logical doesn't it? To prevent myself from a great amount of pain i willingly take on small amount of pain and miss out on small amount of happiness as well. Logic doesn't run in the family though I'm running after that too. All in all this was a good experience i would say, for me at least in as much that i got hold of myself a bit and am not in a foul mood anymore. So should i be feeling happy now? Guess I'll have to wait for something else to happen in order to answer that......