Looking back at all the things i have written from my shaiyari to my poems and now to my articles, i have come to realize one thing - I am a lousy writer. There are some efforts i do like but they constitute a very small part of the crap i have dished out over the years. Come to think of it, i have forced my friends to read all of it. So if you are reading this and thought the same way, i am truly sorry. I always believed that penning your thoughts is all that matters. The words should flow and the content would take shape no matter what. That's what happens always. I start writing something and then without thinking where it is heading, i simply keep adding random words to try and make sense but mainly to fill up space. That is probably why most of my writings are loquacious.
I have many times recounted the pain i have been through in my articles and poems and have been scolded by one and all to cheer up. But sadly, it is when i am sad that the best works come out. If i'm writing in a jovial mood, it usually is pretty idiotic. Tragically, i can''t seem to find words to write anything meaningful every time i feel sad. So this has made me wonder, what it will take to write something good. Does it have to be physical pain or emotional. If the latter then of what kind? An analysis of the past shows that love has got something to do with it. It is the heart burn, the pain inside that tears one apart which causes something good to come out. I believe i'm right as that what great artists too like to say. I recently saw 'Rockstar' the hindi movie and was impressed with how the protagonist was able to take pain and translate into soulful music.
It's a movie and we are made to believe that is what some would say but i disagree. I think the concept holds merit. I'm no rockstar but i know how inspiring pain can be. How it can let you push your limits and bring out the best along with the worst. The anger and the hate manifest themselves in different forms that are borne by those near to us. The pain however, manifests itself into art. That's how the wheels of life keep moving. Not all music, poems, art are filled with pain though and yes the artist can be in a good mood to produce a masterpiece but i am sure that no. won't be a large one. I have used it as one to write some well written though uninspiring articles while getting mad at my family for no reason at all.
All this analysis has brought one interesting fact forward i.e. how i am able to calm myself down by writing or listening to music. I believe it is because these media allow me to express the real me unafraid, unabashed and quite vocal. Away from the scorching eyes and the comments, they allow me to be me. They are not just an expression but a part of me. That is why i feel it important for others to accept my choice of music and my writings. That is why i want them to read my articles as in a weird way i'm looking for acceptance. Some may call it dramatic but i guess i'll settle for artistic. True the portion of art is hugely limited but the point is delivered I guess. So as i wrap up this article and send it across for my friends to read, I am sure i will hear a chuckle or two but largely it would be overlooked. But that is fine with me as it has been a learning experience nonetheless for me.
