3 Mistakes of My Life!!

An article that has been long in the making. Tried so hard to write something but couldn't actually find three noticeable decisions that i really regret in my life. So it was a surprise when suddenly, out of the blue they fell into place. 3 Decisions that i regret to have taken in this short span of 25 years, though most of the decisions were taken by my parents till i reached 15th. So here it goes:

Mistake #1: Choosing Non-Medical in XIth

It would be somewhat wrong to say that i am happy having done engineering. I don't say it is my worst decision but in hindsight it is not one of the best either. My sis told me."You should take commerce." But having seen my bro and sis take Science, i felt it wouldn't suit me to go do something else. So there in all my ignorance of what might lie ahead, i took the plunge. I always wanted to be popular and i lost out on that because of being too uninformed. To state that i was consigned to the unnoticeable bench would be an understatement. I lost out on all chances of popularity. So what did that translate into? Limited contact with good looking girls. Limited chances of lot of people knowing you and of course, minimal chances of getting a girlfriend. Engineering led me away from the happening crowd of Delhi. Thus giving way to becoming honorary member of FOSLA - Frustrated One Sided Lover's Association.

Mistake #2: Letting go of the Golden Opportunity

There she was. Standing 10 feet away on the very first day of college on the bus stand. Her arms clung to her chest. Looking radiant in that bright yellow top. Looking a bit lost and a bit scared with all the attention, comments and looks. To know she lived en route my home and traveled in the same bus should have given me enough confidence to go and talk to her. But surrounded by people who scared the living daylights out of me with their comments, i decided to stay mum. I saw her everyday. I felt i should go talk to her as she looked like somebody who needed a friend. Alas, the low self confidence routine overtook me or rather i should say, overpowered me into submission and i let things pass, trying to build up the courage to go and talk to her. Then one day in pouring rain, i saw her and her friend , who by the way was also hot with another friend of mine. Tragically, my friend used to live near my place. So there she was with him and i being the dumb a*****e lost out on, first getting a girl. Second, becoming popular. Third, having a life. What more could i do to myself to make my life suck even more.

Mistake #3: Company

TCS after giving some nervous moments, recruited me on the very first day of placement results. Along came a company at the fag end of the year. Surely, it was an interesting job, good pay, good take home salary. Possibility of meeting girls in corporate culture, it was quite alluring. Yet it took all of 4 months in the job to remove the screensaver and see the ground reality. From July to Dec, i wanted to switch. But i hung on. My mind told me to see things in future and how this spell would translate into the future. So i decided to stay. I told myself that if MBA clicks then fine, if not then i'll move. I have still to move after 4 long years. Part of the crew, part of the ship...Pirates of the Caribbean. Guess i'm just becoming the same here. Scary vision i must say. Coupled with lack of proper vision. Nice recipe for disaster and thats just what i feel my life has become. An utter failure on all fronts. People thought i won't amount to anything and i used to laugh at them. Guess i have proved them right.

So my first decision led me to college where my second decision consigned me to unnoticeable group which wasn't all that pleasant. Lastly, my decision on the company has clearly shown what an utter disaster my life has turned out to be. No girlfriend, no money, no career. Shot myself in the foot not once, not twice but three times in the past decade. How's that for accuracy? Never miss a chance to make my life hell...............

P.S. - All stories are fictional and bear no resemblance to any person or thing living or dead.

Break Up Saurabh!!!!!

Shankar Mahadevan sang - Wake Up Sid. I would like to hum a different tune though, its Break Up Saurabh. Well I know it doesn't rhyme but who cares. After a long long time I'm happy and I mean I'm truly happy. I feel light as if the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I know I have said this before and yet with in couple of weeks i am back to my usual sulking self and i know that many of you reading this article would not believe me when i say that this time there won't be a relapse. But I would like to assure all my well wishers that this time it's for real. I'm ecstatic right now. I feel the same way as i felt after giving IIFT interview. Totally free with not an iota of care in the world. I feel like i have taken a rebirth. There is a lot of positive energy flowing through me right now. And it's all got to do with one person. I won't name her but you guys know who I'm talking about. She finally said no, never ever.

Now you must be thinking that poor chap is going crazy because of grief. In fact many would go crazy. But i am happy because i had allowed myself to be something i wasn't. I was becoming just too much of a grump. Snapping at people for no particular reason. Always feeling down and dejected. Criticizing myself and blaming her for my being in this state and what not. I had become so awful that i had started to hate myself for being such a sadist. Worse part is i was driving her away from my life because of my complaints and negative attitude. This was definitely something i didn't want. We are good friends and i will try my best to be that. But I'm not forecasting anything yet. Although it would be fair to add that my decision also stemmed from the fact that she was developing feelings for someone else. So a combination of a lot of factors has resulted that i am a free bird now or as SAK said in LAK - "Khula Saand".

It would be wrong to say that i didn't see this coming. I had been told to do this by a couple of friends this past week or so but i was apprehensive. I didn't want to give up. I didn't want to admit that i lost. My male ego was dominating me to not accept defeat in any form. There were other signs too. My daily horoscope would once in a week tell me to let go of that relationship. But i never cared. I always fought to try and make this work. I believed that by doing all this i might move her around to saying yes. But there was definitely a part of my that said that if through all these efforts, she did say yes then won't she be making a compromise and settling for something she might not actually want? Where will that leave me then? In a relationship where she is not happy to be with me and i am still unhappy being with her. I didn't want that in my life. Who would? So i knew something or the other must give way. Either she would accept me whole heartedly or reject me sumptuously. And that's what she did.

So here i am standing on the road to nowhere right now. I know it would be tough and that this euphoria might not last long but i also know that with a couple of friends who really care with me by my side i would survive this phase. Hell i have been through worse things before and yet i am still standing, ain't i? I know if she reads this then i might lose what ever relationship i still have. But this is specially for you dear that try and be happy for me knowing that i am moving on from you as you have always wanted and that i am not letting our friendship go. It will remain as strong as ever. You definitely have to believe me on this as there is no other way i can assure you of this. That being said don't think for a moment that i am harboring any ill feelings as i simply can't. So this is me signing off on the first article of 2010 saying goodnight and goodbye to all the readers. Saurabh has left the building...........