Death

One Two Three...stand back. Again, one two three...... No we will not give up. Again................ All the time the sirens of the ambulance constantly blaring in the background as the vehicle moves through the traffic to take the victim to the hospital. Luck plays a major role if they manage to get to the hospital on time. But even hen the patient loses his fight against time and all that is left is a one big heap of mass. Loved by many, cherished by some and might even hated by few. But fact is all the feelings come to nought when the angels of darkness come calling, taking away the life given so measurably by the lord.

I admit, my tryst with writing (disregarding my earlier attempts at it when i was in school) began with a poem where i was famously courting death. I did so to make it interesting, to add up the spice. I wasn't serious at all about it when i wrote that, probably because i was only 18 at that point of time. It was more fun oriented than anything else. But over the years, life and time have taught me things that would surely make it imprudent to make fun of death. It's the living reality that all of us know about but surely never admit.

Death can take away people you considered closest, people you loved the most, people you cared for, people you respected, people you wanted to have in your life and some even you never cared for to begin with. But this doesn't mean that you are not bothered by the outcome. You are because you are good souls. You feel the pain when you see the urchins begging, the deformed kids trying to walk with their heads held high, the forces of nature crashing down on helpless individuals, the suffering that is so evident everywhere around us. You see and feel all that. Death has its own way of showing things to people, to make them understand the reality.

I have seen it very closely albeit only 2-3 times. Losing family members everytime and one a very near miss. Sure it hurts like hell. Having the wind sucked out of you in a jiffy. Initially you fall into a pit of disbeleif. How can it be true? There must be some mistake. As if death would have asked you before it came knocking. Although it should have you feel, but that's not how reality transpires, does it? 

Each time i lost somebody, i made up an excuse. It's better they died as the place is no longer worth living. They were facing so many problems. It's better they are far from it now and the likes. I was never troubled by death as such. I had always taken it as part of life and moved on. But it does sting for some time. In my case that time has always been short lived. To this i sometimes feel that i might just be heartless. A heart devoid of any emotions. One who cares only for worldly pleasures and not the real things that matter - emotions. I don't know how i'll be judged in the court of the lord but i am very confused by what i should or should not do in such situations.

Death makes life seem so short. Anything can happen to you at any time. You have zero control over it. Then why the hell are we fighting for that inch of space, salary, land, feelings etc? Why?Why are we running like fools after something that's non existent to begin with?Why are throwing away our lives? Simly because its simpler this way. The hard way of meditation and spiritualism doesn't have the zing and the bling that we crave for always. I know all this is run of the mill stuff and anybody under the sun can write it and yeah probably you have heard all this a million times in your life but what can i do, if something so shocking happens you are bound to feel the aftershocks albeit for a short time (in my case that is).

I guess the strength of character comes up when you face this situation face up and stand up to the demands of emotions always putting up a brave face. That's what character really is. Standing tall in adversity. Not letting situations bog you down and moving forward to defeat the demons of pain. 

I am grieved today by the loss of a person i didn't even knew. I only knew the girl who knew the person. I don't even know the guys full name, yet i am disturbed. The boy meant the world to the girl and the girl is a very good friend of mine. So in this pseudo friendship of sorts, i am grieving. Funny, yes if you want to have a look at the lighter side of it. But it all boils down to what are we here for? When there is nothing in our hands then what are we here for? We can't control where we are born. We can't control how we're born. We can't control how we are going to die. We can't control when we're going to die. Then what are we doing? I am not a spiritual guru and i can't answer that question. But i somehow feel that we are in this world simply to determine what we'll become in the next................ 

P.S. - An ode to you dear, you know i know that you'll pull through this time (you have already begun on that path).